Hindsight

When it's nearly over
And you're sitting, wondering
What could've been?
What should I have seen?

Thats when the truth falls
And you disguise yourself
And up go the walls
And it hurts

Yeah, it hurts so bad
You're man enough to believe
Man enough to give
Give me that reprieve

I keep clinging to the hope
That one day you'll believe
And one day you'll see me
As what I truly could be

And when the hope falls through
The only thing left is faith
And the only thing left is love
But a love where nothing's safe

And thats the moment when I realise
That it all had no point
When it was all over
Nothing made any more sense than before

The sad realisation takes over
That I'm back where I started
And this desert storm hasn't blown over
Not since love was discarded

And there it was standing right
Right in front of me
At exactly my head height
But I was too blind to see

Ah, the benefit of hindsight.

Celebrate

What day is this?
We're all standing here
We've all gathered together
It's time to celebrate

To celebrate a wonderful life
A loving, caring woman
A mother, daughter and wife
Whose name was Edith

Edith June Eldridge
Don't ever let me forget you
Your smile, your laughter, your love
It'll always remain so true

Inside my heart and inside my mind
No I'll never forget you
And your intricate design
It's the least I can do

Because you gave me love
What more could a grandson ask?
And now as I remember
All the times we shared, like..

The last time I saw you
The way you squeezed my hand
You squeezed it so tight
I can still feel it now

So thanks for everything
You've got nothing to fear
The most important thing is
Your love's still felt here

And as I feel that love
It really makes me smile
As I look up above
All I do is...celebrate

Edith June Eldridge, 9 June 1927- 17 April 2007. Rest in Peace Nanna.

Merry Go Round

I could sit here all night
Listening to your song rip me up, tear me down
But it's not happening
On the merry go round, they call it life

Am I the patron saint of lost causes?
Hoping for dreams I can never have?
Tell me I'm not, please tell me I'm not
Cos I'm feeling like such an eternal dot

On this everchanging landscape
Am I ever gonna get it right?
Riding around on this merry go round
They call if life, they call it life

I wrote Merry Go Round a few days ago, whilst sitting in my room listening to Anberlin's new album Cities. In essence it's a general lamentation on life, which is my recent mood.

Nothing

Where are you today?
In a far off place, in a distant land
And where am I?
Listening to another band

Sitting here alone
I'm in this hectic world
Yet I can't find a friend
With whom to share my world

Where are you today?
Sowing some worthwhile seeds
In the lives of others
Doing some incredible deeds

And where am I?
Moping and bludging
Achieving nothing
In the life of myself

Where are you today?
Enjoying your newfound freedom
And where am I?
Hating the absence of freedom

It's constantly closing time
Such a lonesome day
Whilst on a bed of nothing
Is right where I lay

Nothing mentions 3 people in my life, and makes a comparison between myself and them. Or in other words, it's a self examination, contrasted with other people. Also as I was writing, I realised that the whole poem could be taken as referring to the same person all along, however the underlying intention was to mention seperate people in each verse. Either meaning could be taken though.

Throw It All Away

Sitting here today
Sitting in dismay
Wondering if I'll just
Throw it all away

It's been great and I
Thank you for everything
But this is where it ends
I can hear the bell ring

Thinking of all the good times
And the dragons you'll slay
But I know I'll have to
Throw it all away

And it's such a shame
But my pride's at stake
And that's why I know
Time to make like a snake

And slither away from you
Sure as night meets day
It'll make me so damn blue
But I'll throw it all away

And so I say thank you
Truly hope all goes well
Please believe that's true
This is nothing personal

This is my own weakness
Infiltrating the cracks
And so this is goodbye
As I throw it all away

Now it's all over
I'll ponder every day
And keep asking myself
Why I threw it all away

I wrote this on Monday night:

Reminiscing

Depressing evenings in the ghost room
Six months and nothings changed
The emotions come flooding back home
One year and it's all the same

Reminiscing about the past
Seeing no future with these eyes
Life flashes by, all so fast
It's all kept in my black disguise

Nothing ever makes any sense
When all my failings take control
All revealed only in my dark soul
What'll I do when it takes a toll?

And thus ends this tale
This one solitary moment
When these thoughts seep through me
When I reflect and hate what I see

Release me from this pain
This torment, this fear, this anguish
Release me, release me, end it
This torment, this fear, this anguish

It's all such a shame
Where I am today
I just wish I could love life
Like those around me

Hanging onto dreams that won't happen
Doing nothing about those that could
What is my worth in this state of mind?
I'll never be what I should

I'll never be what I could
I'll never be what I would
if I could learn to
Release myself from this pain